I fondly recall the early 80s of Chennai Cinema when Stalwart directors like K Balachander made movies that often stirred some controversies and made people debate over it. Door Darshan was the only channel that encashed this time slot and consumed most of the Sunday afternoons that forced people to sit in front of the idiot box and hear people debating if what Sujatha did in "Aval Oru Thodarkadhai" was just or against the culture and traditions?
Last week, I attended a wedding of my classmate's son in Chennai. This youngster, educated in the
U S , picked his own partner, an American, went through the day long rituals that was totally mixed with tradition, loud chanting of Vedas and Mantras by learned Priests from the Brahmin community, who struggled to pronounce the name of the bride but were seen happy to solemnize the marriage that cemented the bond in the marriage from India to the U S A. The girl's parents were too eager to perform the rituals though they did not have any clue of Kulam or Gothram that is repeatedly chanted during the rituals. Bare bodied, the Americans presented a look that was pleasing to the eyes and the on lookers like us immediately accepted their presence and embraced them to our fold. The Americans did not have Poonal (sacred thread) that is considered as a basic step in the conduct of marriage amongst Hindu Brahmins! They, however, wore Pancha gachham veshtis and the women in traditional silk Sarees that added color and sheen to the function. The marriage of hearts concluded and everyone present there were happy to taste the delicacies of South Indian cuisine and left happily.
On the flip side, I am puzzled over a subject of controversy triggered by one of the 5 gurus of Hindu cult that follows Shankaracharya, subscribe to their Peetams or abodes and views. My friend's daughter who is a Tamil Brahmin, deeply in love with a Classmate of hers from the school and vice versa are now settled in the U S since the past several years continuing to foster their love and affection ever since.
Now that they are nearing the end of their 20s they approached their respective parents and expressed their interests of getting married as they knew each other for more than 12-15 years, pleading and swearing that their love is genuine! The boy's father decided to meet the Guru and seek his approval as both the boy and the girl belonged to the same Gothram! The Guru trashed the idea of getting married into the same Gothra! The Guru replied that he will not support marriage in same Gothra when the father asked the Guru if there was any way out to make this marriage happen? Now that the Guru was in no mood to approve the match, the Boy's parents are up with a dagger against the girl and her parents and give emotional threats if they proceeded with the wed lock! They boy is in a huge dilemma as to whom to support if he had to choose between his lady love and his parents. The boy who had come up with a mind of getting engaged left without even proposing! The girl is shattered and trying to reconcile hard to the new equation of life missing someone with whom she has been in touch and love since the past 12-15 years!
The parents of the girl are so upset with the boy that he was unable to take a decision and pondered if he would bring this topic over and over again with their daughter accusing her of splitting the family, if at all they get married? The boy's parents are happy that their son left without getting engaged or married against their wishes and that they could get him married to a girl of their choice. Both the houses represent a scene of repentance and the family shattered.
A small stand taken by the Religious Guru resulted in complications and tensions in the hearts of so many in the families. The friends of the family are in state of disbelief that something like this could happen during this modern era where people are educated and moving forward both economically and socially! Hearts that yearn and love each other is the real marriage and not the one where the hearts don't match but the parents force it on to the children making an unpleasant happening. I have known several people getting married outside the cast and living happy, outside the boundaries of community and religion but married happily! The priests performed the Indo-American Marriage last week happily and what does the Guru has to say about this happening? will he ostracize the priests for having indulged in Anti-religious activities and shun them from the title of Priests to perform rituals connected with Hinduism in the future? Our religious heads must evolve and accept such marriage of hearts and bless them instead of creating disturbances in the families that will lead the younger generation to unsubscribe to believing such religious Gurus and their abodes that exists only on the foundation of trust by people. The recent arrest of self styled god man Asa ram Bapu has raised many eyebrows and question the basics of our trust in Religious cult. Time is not far off when these Mutts and religious heads will have to bow to the ever changing wants and living of the society and find some means to evolve whereby both the belief and trust in Religion are maintained and fostered well to peculate the benefits to the future generations.
Marriage as an institution is in grave danger these days looking at the level of independence that is enjoyed by both the boy and the girl. Many arranged marriages have failed and many love marriages have also failed. True love is the one that sustains the weather of times and stands by each other! In order to protect the institution of marriage, the Gurus will have to adapt to the new circumstances and not get frozen away in time. When Love emerges supreme, the Gurus must bless them and encourage them to forge into an alliance of marriage as that is the only way legacy can be nourished and protected.
This Thodarkadhai has to find solutions soon and there is need for society to discuss and debate about it. Every story has to end and it will be extra ordinary to see the same end well! Will our religious leaders and society change for good, better and the best?
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